Something happened to me this past Sunday that has never happened ever. I have actually had nightmares about it happening but Sunday all my nightmares became reality.
I lead worship for a living. Churches call, I pick up the phone, they ask me to come play, and I say yes. It's a pretty simple process. They tell me what they want, when it starts, what I'll need to bring, etc, and for 10 years I have always gotten all of it right.....until Sunday. The pastor is a good friend of mine and he asked me to play at his church for a missions recap (I went on a mission trip with them last month and it was awesome). I was at the beach when he called to give me the details but I remember exactly what he said:
"We're going to eat a Low Country Boil then have the service. We're getting started at 6:30". The pastor and I are both ADD and a little slow....but our minds race a million miles a minute. So we talk a little more and hang up but we aren't on the same page at all.
I walk in the church at about 6:40 and the church is full of people and Johnny is up front praying. You should have seen my face. I haven't set up, done a sound check, picked out the songs, gotten PowerPoint ready...nothing. I was wishing I had worn my adult diaper.
What in the world am I going to do?? So I just decided to walk down the center isle. Johnny says "well look who decided to show up" and everyone stands up, laughing and clapping, and welcomes me in. They are patting us on the back (my friend Stu was there too to play the djembe) and laughing at us.....I was sooooooooooooo embarrassed. It takes a lot for me to get embarrassed - like showing up in the middle of a church service where I was supposed to be leading worship and have the entire congregation laugh at you. There's nothing you can do at that point.
But Johnny is smooth, they had a meet and greet time so I got everything set up. He laughed and took full responsibility for it (it was both our faults for not paying attention) and everything was fine. It wasn't near as bad as it could have been.
I seriously do have terrible dreams where I forget to show up to church or the song I am doing just totally bombs or I show up to church late and everyone stares at me as I quietly and awkwardly get everything set up on stage. Whew, I get an awful feeling just writing about it. But, like I said, it wasn't bad. Everyone laughed, I led them in worship, and it was very good. THEN we had the Low Country Boil and it was delicious.
So the moral of the story - don't fake the funk on a nasty dunk.
Josh Ridings Band
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Hey Jeremi
I think there is only one person who reads this blog and his name is Jeremi. I don't know why I included that opening sentence...let me start over: Hey Jeremi, how's teaching? (So if you have accidentally stumbled upon this blog I don't want you to be confused - it will now just be a conversation between Jeremi and me.)
Jeremi, when you said I should advertise what does that mean? Is it socially acceptable to go around talking about your blog? That's like going around talking about how much you work out or how much money you have in the bank. Wait...I do both of those all the time. 6 times a day and at least $70,000 in petty cash.
Do you remember all the awesome cars you had in college? I reminisce about the first time you gave me a ride home from the GMP in that huge, old blue car that had HUGE subs in the trunk. I thought you were so mysterious. We listened to Kid Rock. It was one of the best days of my life. Then remember how we never had any dates ever? We pretty much hung out with each other every night.
Then remember when you had that birthday party recently and I spat on a dog when you dropped the line from Hustle and Flow? That was a good party. Well, thats about all I've got. I hope to see you Thursday night. Will you help me pass the word along about my blog? I want a writing deal to come out of this. Thats really the only reason I'm doing it. Until we get our 2nd reader I'll just continue to have conversations with you. Which is fine b/c I love you. Tell Walter I said Hello.
Jeremi, when you said I should advertise what does that mean? Is it socially acceptable to go around talking about your blog? That's like going around talking about how much you work out or how much money you have in the bank. Wait...I do both of those all the time. 6 times a day and at least $70,000 in petty cash.
Do you remember all the awesome cars you had in college? I reminisce about the first time you gave me a ride home from the GMP in that huge, old blue car that had HUGE subs in the trunk. I thought you were so mysterious. We listened to Kid Rock. It was one of the best days of my life. Then remember how we never had any dates ever? We pretty much hung out with each other every night.
Then remember when you had that birthday party recently and I spat on a dog when you dropped the line from Hustle and Flow? That was a good party. Well, thats about all I've got. I hope to see you Thursday night. Will you help me pass the word along about my blog? I want a writing deal to come out of this. Thats really the only reason I'm doing it. Until we get our 2nd reader I'll just continue to have conversations with you. Which is fine b/c I love you. Tell Walter I said Hello.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Great Idea
You know that terrible show American Idol....the one that is responsible for unleashing sloppy, untalented turds like Ruben Studdord, Jordin Sparks, and Taylor Hicks on the world of rock and roll? They are chewed up and spit out by the industry never to be heard from again. No Grammy, no awards....nothing. That's no fun. But it's not their fault - how can they expect to compete against giants like U2, Jimmy Eat World, or the 2002 USC FCA Praise band? They can't. It's an unrealistic goal. But I have an idea that is gold:
Using the same idea/guidelines, I want to start Olympic Idol. Get a lot of worthless fatsos with no work ethic to go through some sort of pointless competition and the winner will have the chance to compete in the Decathlon with the real athletes. Could you imagine that? Someone like that relative we all have - bald, fat, lazy - doing the high jump, 110 hurdles and pole vault against Dan O'Brien or Bryan Clay? It'd be awesome. He'd be drinking Dr Pepper and eating Chicken Nuggets between events. Plus he'd be wearing overalls, boots, and a baseball cap. Everyone would love that.
And, the best part, just like with Kelly Clarkson or Carrie Underwood, they might actually win a few events. Ummm, no they wouldn't. Nevermind. Could you imagine how hard that person would get destroyed by real Olympic athletes? It would be amazing. I would especially love the high jump....with his wallet and keys in his pockets plus a Chick Fil A biscuit in his hand. This would really boost ratings.
I'm going to call NBC...I might have something here.
Using the same idea/guidelines, I want to start Olympic Idol. Get a lot of worthless fatsos with no work ethic to go through some sort of pointless competition and the winner will have the chance to compete in the Decathlon with the real athletes. Could you imagine that? Someone like that relative we all have - bald, fat, lazy - doing the high jump, 110 hurdles and pole vault against Dan O'Brien or Bryan Clay? It'd be awesome. He'd be drinking Dr Pepper and eating Chicken Nuggets between events. Plus he'd be wearing overalls, boots, and a baseball cap. Everyone would love that.
And, the best part, just like with Kelly Clarkson or Carrie Underwood, they might actually win a few events. Ummm, no they wouldn't. Nevermind. Could you imagine how hard that person would get destroyed by real Olympic athletes? It would be amazing. I would especially love the high jump....with his wallet and keys in his pockets plus a Chick Fil A biscuit in his hand. This would really boost ratings.
I'm going to call NBC...I might have something here.
Things I Have Learned On Vacation
1. Tattoos look terrible when you are 65+
2. Harlan, my 2 year old nephew would rather play with a broken vacuum cleaner than go to the beach or play in the pool.
3. Putting ice in a cup is much louder when there is a 3 month old taking a nap (as is talking, walking, chewing, breathing....you are pretty much going to get "the look" for doing absolutely anything when the baby is asleep).
4. My parents are the weirdest/awesome-est people ever. As soon as I take off a dirty article of clothing - before it hits the ground - Ron slides in my room, grabs the clothes, gives them to Freida who washes and folds them and returns them to my room before I have had time to put any new clothes on. I think they are super heros. Their power is cleanliness. You should see the house, golf cars, front porch....pristine. I am seriously going home with a suit case full on clean clothing.
5. Going to the pool with my sister has been the highlight of my week. It is our post lunch ritual where we reminisce about the good ol days and people watch.....2 of my favorite things to do.
6. I had no idea but when the kids go to bed it is party time. It seriously is like a TV show....when the door closes, we all look around with excitement; someone runs to the kitchen and grabs the cookies, M&Ms, chips, and Coke - then we turn on the TV and hang out till about 1 am. Who knew parents everywhere are anxiously counting down the hours till their kids go to sleep? It's awesome.
2. Harlan, my 2 year old nephew would rather play with a broken vacuum cleaner than go to the beach or play in the pool.
3. Putting ice in a cup is much louder when there is a 3 month old taking a nap (as is talking, walking, chewing, breathing....you are pretty much going to get "the look" for doing absolutely anything when the baby is asleep).
4. My parents are the weirdest/awesome-est people ever. As soon as I take off a dirty article of clothing - before it hits the ground - Ron slides in my room, grabs the clothes, gives them to Freida who washes and folds them and returns them to my room before I have had time to put any new clothes on. I think they are super heros. Their power is cleanliness. You should see the house, golf cars, front porch....pristine. I am seriously going home with a suit case full on clean clothing.
5. Going to the pool with my sister has been the highlight of my week. It is our post lunch ritual where we reminisce about the good ol days and people watch.....2 of my favorite things to do.
6. I had no idea but when the kids go to bed it is party time. It seriously is like a TV show....when the door closes, we all look around with excitement; someone runs to the kitchen and grabs the cookies, M&Ms, chips, and Coke - then we turn on the TV and hang out till about 1 am. Who knew parents everywhere are anxiously counting down the hours till their kids go to sleep? It's awesome.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
New Job
Has anyone heard about Wal-Mart's deal with hamburger meat? If the meat is bad or turns brown, or whatever, they do a 200% return. They give you new meat plus your money back. So I have quit my job as a worship leader and decided to become a full time meat scout. I will travel the country looking for meat that I believe will be rancid, and upon finding said meat I will order 800 pounds of the nasty trash.
It's a win - win situation. I will always be full plus I will make tons of money. Will you forward me every recipe that involves hamburger meat please? Also, will someone teach me how to use a stove?
It's a win - win situation. I will always be full plus I will make tons of money. Will you forward me every recipe that involves hamburger meat please? Also, will someone teach me how to use a stove?
Yay Olympics
Well, look who it is...it's me. I am at the beach this week with my family and pretty much every thing that happens feels like an SNL skit because it is so ridiculous. Anyone who has not gone on a week-long vacation with their family when they're 27 is really missing out. I mean...who doesn't want to turn a 4 hour trip into a 10 hour excursion? And in true Ron and Freida fashion they borrowed a conversion van (yes, a conversion van....ground effects, extra tall top...the works). 18 wheelers are getting out of the way of this thing. Respect.
It's only Tuesday and I have about 1000 things I need to write about but my favorite thing so far happened last night as we were watching the Olympics. It was about 10 pm and men's gymnastics was on (side note: I am all about sports that are practical - like running really fast, or swimming, or whatever - they can come in handy if you're being robbed or attached by a shark but when in the world are you ever going to need to run like an 11 year old girl, bounce off a pummel horse, then do a triple sow cow onto a mat? Weirdos)
Where was I? Oh yeah, favorite thing. Whilst watching the male gymnasts, Kevin said one of the guys was fat....then we go on to talk about how terrible he did in his event (i think he won gold). But it was hard to hear what was being said b/c we were devouring ice cream, cheez its, 2 bags of chips, and drinking Coke (I had a chip on my face where I had tried to dump tons of chips in my mouth at once....I saw it later that night when I was brushing my teeth). I could barely hear what was being said due to the chewing and bags rustling about.
We realized how ridiculous we were and had a huge laugh. Then we went back to our delicious snacks. We are so American. I love the Olympics.
It's only Tuesday and I have about 1000 things I need to write about but my favorite thing so far happened last night as we were watching the Olympics. It was about 10 pm and men's gymnastics was on (side note: I am all about sports that are practical - like running really fast, or swimming, or whatever - they can come in handy if you're being robbed or attached by a shark but when in the world are you ever going to need to run like an 11 year old girl, bounce off a pummel horse, then do a triple sow cow onto a mat? Weirdos)
Where was I? Oh yeah, favorite thing. Whilst watching the male gymnasts, Kevin said one of the guys was fat....then we go on to talk about how terrible he did in his event (i think he won gold). But it was hard to hear what was being said b/c we were devouring ice cream, cheez its, 2 bags of chips, and drinking Coke (I had a chip on my face where I had tried to dump tons of chips in my mouth at once....I saw it later that night when I was brushing my teeth). I could barely hear what was being said due to the chewing and bags rustling about.
We realized how ridiculous we were and had a huge laugh. Then we went back to our delicious snacks. We are so American. I love the Olympics.
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