Stop having boring Tuna, stop having a boring life

Where did Billy Mays come from? Has he been around forever and I just noticed him or has he recently gotten the job for ever commercial on TV? If you do not know who he is consider yourself lucky. Now that I have pointed him out, though, you will see him everywhere. I think I saw him in Chesnee las week. I love how wikipedia describes him: "known for shouting, a beard, and wearing a blue shirt". What a weird way to be recognized. I also just read that Discovery Channel is working on a reality show starring Billy. Can't wait to watch 30 minutes of him!

Just when I though I couldn't handle Billy Mays (makes me think of that crazy, psycho evangelist Billy Mayo who convinced every 12-16 year old to throw away all their CDs and only listen to talk radio....man, Heather, I still miss that Aerosmith CD) any longer this WEIRDO Vince shows up with the Shamwow. I seriously don't watch tons of TV but this guy is always on. And the strange thing is - i've never considered buying anything off of TV, especially from Billy Mays, but I have to get one of those Shamwows. The slapchop looks awesome too.

What is wrong with me? How is Vince making want to buy that garbage? He is super annoying. These guys are making me even happier that I have Tivo.

Ode to Joel Greene

Today I was trying to park at Office Depot.  They have a weird, slanted parking lot.  I pulled into a spot close to the building and saw that I could do the 'ol pull through.  I LOVE the pull through.  Anywho, this dude was walking towards the entrance but he was walking right in the middle of my spot.  I was already pulling through (before he crossed the plane of my spot) and he began gaving me the longest stare down I have ever experienced.  Usually I just look away but not today.  I had just saved a lot of money on my car insurance...honesty, I am pretty excited about it.  

Anyway, this character was giving me the stink eye for a good 10 seconds.  I kept pulling forward whilst giving him the crook eye.  He's the one who's walking through my space AND last time I checked my '97 Tahoe is a little bigger than a middle aged 35 year old man wearing a carhart jacket.  I can't believe he stared me down....he was the one who was wrong.  He wasted his free monthly stink eye on that??  

I bet he's one of those guys who goes around staring at weaker people making them feel as if THEY are wrong.  What a meany.  He learned today.  Never stare at a man who just saved $191.  You will lose.  

Answer to Question

i had a dream/I had an awesome dream/people in the park/playing games after dark/and what they played/it was a masquerade....

I dont even know what song that is or how it got there but it is in my head. Hopefully it is in your head now too.

When I posed the question in my earlier post I kinda knew the answer already but I wanted to hear your opinions. Very good feedback by the way, class, I am proud. I think every situation is different, duh, and you can't just make a blanket statement like, "i will never be around alcohol" or "all cats should die". Sometimes cats should live.   Or not. 

People will always think whatever they want PLUS your character cannot really be destroyed quickly....everyone says it can (it take a lifetime to build and a second to destroy) but that isn't usually true. If you love someone and they are awesome (even if you dont love them) it takes more than one thing to disprove their awesomeness. Having said that....you can't worry about every little mistake you make.  You will make mistakes.  That's life.  

Truth is, I started writing this response 2 weeks ago and now I have no clue what I was trying to say.  I do know one thing....it is 1:30 am and I just made a huge mistake - i'm watching tivo'd stuff and I just watch a commercial.  What was I thinking??  I just wasted 23 seconds of my life that I could have fast forwarded.  What am I paying that $4.99 extra a month for??  Not to sit around and watch commercials, I'll tell you that right now.  I am far too busy to be sitting around watching commercials.  

Lesson of the day - be on your guard....be aware that your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a lion looking for someone to devour.  Don't be dumb.  Don't be legalistic.  Eat a hearty breakfast.  Bring 2 #2 pencils.  Don't let your freedom destroy a weaker person.  Have fun.  You know what's right so do it.  

I Have a Question

On New Years Eve I went to a radical party.  It was mostly mid-late 20 somethings and there was alcohol there.  It wasnt a kegger or anything like that, it was just mixed drinks, wine, and stuff.  Everyone was pretty sensible.  Whenever alcohol is present you're going to have the guy who gets hammered and passes out in the fondu...you've seen him at every wedding, bar mitzvah, and graduation you've been to.  He's like the guy who wears a sweat suit to work on casual Friday and ruins it for everyone.  If you serve alcohol you know he's going to show up and use the bathroom in your fridge.  I hope you aren't that guy.  If you are, no one likes you.    

Anyway, I dont drink.  I just can't get the stuff down.  But also I know I stand in front of 500 people a week who may get the wrong idea even if they see me just having a single drink and I want to stay as far away from confusion as I possibly can (we could talk all day about this issue but we won't....this is the way I feel and as long as your philosophy falls in line with the teachings of Jesus and you can look yourself in the mirror every day then you are good.)  It helps that I hate the taste of alcohol so problem solved.  

I kinda dislike New Years Eve b/c it's an excuse for people who just follow rules to get tipsy.  By "just follow rules" I mean they don't drink b/c they think that action will get them to Heaven.  (Now, I am the biggest sinner you will ever meet so don't think I am better than them.  I am not.  I am worse probably.  But I know I am going to Heaven b/c of Jesus, not rules)  To know if you are a "rule follower" examine why you do or don't do things.  Is it b/c you love Jesus and want to honor Him or is it because you just follow a rule.  Let's say you had a coupon good for one day that let you punch someone in the face who you didn't like....and you wouldn't get in trouble.....you have a coupon.  You see where I'm going here.  

There is no "free day" where getting drunk is fine.  This is why I still wouldn't smoke weed even if it were legal (these are the things you sit around and talk about if you are a guy).  

So I'm at the party and two other guys and I are acting crazy....dancing around, singing the Larry the Scary Rex song, singing David Hasselhoff in 3 part harmony (angelic) and I heard some guy say, "which one of those guys is driving" - assuming we were drunk.  I say all of that to ask a question:

Should I care that I am at a party were alcohol is served and people think I am drunk b/c I am acting dumb?  Should I not go anywhere where alcohol is being served?  Or do I just not worry about it?  Seriously I want to hear some opinions.  

Do I stay as far away from that issue as possible or do I just not worry about it?  

I have to care.  We all have to examine if what we choose to do is smart.  But how far do you go?  I want to be totally above reproach on this.  I don't want there to even be a hint of impurity on this issue.  What do you think? 

2009 Words of Wisdom

Mr P's pizza, although cheap and delicious, will come back later to haunt you.  Yikes.  

Might As Well Be An Alien

As I was at Wofford College today having lunch I was reminded of how nerdy I am.  First off I am almost 30 and I'm eating lunch in a college cafeteria.  I bust in there like the Kool Aid Man and my 2 friends who I'm supposed to meet aren't there.  Maybe it was all in my head but I felt like everyone there was staring at the old guy....but I was wearing my Italian sport coat, pink T-shirt, white linen pants, Ray Bans, and slip-on sockless loafers.  Boy did I feel out of place.

I have no idea how college cafeterias work anymore.  The scary guy behind the hamburger grill was yelling at me for my order and I wasn't paying him any attention...I was no where close to the front of the line, cut me some slack.  Then I go to the 1 register to pay (1 register, seriously?) and I pull out the Visa card which took forever.  Everyone else just swipes their Terrier Bucks and keeps moving.  Not me.  I held the line up for about 4 minutes.  That line got really long. 

Here's where it goes down hill:  I get my receipt and try to spot my friends as I trip over the yellow "Caution, Wet Floor Sign".  It crashes to the floor (who knew those things could make so much noise??) and i steady my burger and fries as I'm slipping on the wet floor.  Good thing that sign was there.  

So I sit down with my friends all flustered and I realize one small thing - the 2 guys at this table aren't my friends, in fact I have no clue who these 2 guys are at all....they sure looked a lot like my 2 friends before I sat down.  Nope, wrong table.  So I moved.  

Finally I get seated with Bennett and Philip and we are enjoying a nice cafeteria lunch.  I get up to get a refill and I run into the girl sitting behind me, kicking her in the shins.  Our tables were absurdly close to one another in my defense but still...a little embarrassing.    It just wasn't my day.

I realized that I do not belong at all on a college campus.  The funny thing is when you are almost 30 you don't get embarrassed very easily....or at all.  If that stuff would've happened to me in college I would've cried for hours (i'm a big crier)....but today I was just like, "Oops, look out for that sign", and "Hey, wrong table" or "Sorry about your shins"....hahaha, I might as well be an alien.  

Hello My Name is Billy Graham

I heard that the Reverend Billy Graham recently joined First Baptist Church, Spartanburg. Why, you ask? I have no idea. Is that a marketing move? Are you allowed to "move your letter" only for publicity? (By the way, how funny is the phrase "move your letter" in the nerdy baptist world? What does that even mean? Is it like an actual hand written letter or is it like a high school letter you get for playing sports....you could pin your Sunday School Perfect Attendance button to it. Could Churches be weirder??) How nervous would you be as a pastor if Billy Graham was sitting in your congregation? I dont care who you are, that's scary.

Do you think First Baptist made Billy Graham attend the mandatory membership class? Could you imagine that? Did they slowly walk through what it truly means to be a Christian? This is probably how the final question went:

Old Lady With Blue Hair: "umm, Billy...can I call you Billy or do you prefer William? Well, ummm, let me teach you how to confidently share your faith with others"

Billy Graham: "yeah, I think I'm good on that one"

OLWBH: (ignoring him) "I like to draw a picture of a huge cavern seperating us from God"

Billy Graham: "oh really, I like to have huge crusades where millions come to Christ"

OLWBH: "well I guess that's an idea...you could also teach about the 4 spiritual laws over coffee"

Billy Graham: "oh yeah, I've used that with every US President since Harry Truman. You know, when I was hospitalized in 1976 three president called in one day to wish me well."

Old Lady: "yeah, yeah...don't go changing the subject, we've got a lot of info to cover. Where were we...oh yeah, let's talk about when you can volunteer for the nursery."

Billy Graham: "Well, this Sunday I will be speaking at the the $27 million Billy Graham library in Charlotte. After that I am accepting my 2nd Congressional Gold Metal in DC, then I'll be gone the next weekend as I'm being inducted into the Gospel Music Hall of Fame, then I'm being Knighted, then I'm speaking at Samford where an honorary chair is being named in my honor, the list goes on for a while.....but maybe I can play lead guitar in the band one week.


Billy Graham is the man. Do you know the United States Postal Service has said he is one of the few people, along with the current president, who can be delivered mail that simply reads his name and country: "Billy Graham, America". I guarantee I will not receive your letter if you send it to "Josh Ridings, America". That letter is going in the garbage. He's a big deal. I hope I see him at Wades after church one week....i'll hand him a demo.

Destined to be a loser

Apparently Texas A&M (my new favorite team) is terrible. They haven't been in a bowl for 4 years and they won 4 games this year. This proves one thing: I am drawn to losers. I can't help it. I just am. It also proves another thing: when picking a new team you shouldn't base that decision solely on the pretty color of the jerseys....you may want to look at stats and stuff. Oh well.

Luckily I haven't bought my A&M wind sock yet so I can pick a new team - MICHIGAN! Just kidding. I don't like football anymore. I've been afraid to admit that b/c it means you aren't a man but then I looked in the mirror at how hairy and huge I am and realized I dont need to watch football to be a man.....I need to be a Fireman or Cowboy of Venture Capitalist!!! What?

Goodbye Gamecock Allegiance

I saw a little of the pathetic display of sport today called Gamecock Football. I think Spurrier thought it was a best 2 out of 3 tournament and he was pretending that we stink today so the next 2 games we will dominate....right? He was hustling the table, no? But I have bad news - it isn't a tournament, it is just one game and the Gamecocks got embarrassed. Now, I am used to losing, duh, I've followed the Shamecocks for 27 years but today was a total debacle.

Here's what I am doing. I am going on a 3 year hiatus from the South Carolina program. I have decided to pledge my allegiance to the Texas A&M Aggies b/c they like to win. The Gamecocks hate to win; they love to lose. So I am getting an A&M t-shirt, maybe a nice car magnet, and I'm going to learn the cheers, the players names, etc....it is on. I couldn't pick an SEC team team - that'd be like dating an ex girlfriend's friend (bad news, don't do it) and I couldn't pick an ACC team because they are all terrible. Therefore A&M it is. Here I come big 12!

At the end of the 3 years if the Gamecocks decide to like winning I will consider pulling for them again. You may call me a "fairweather fan" or "bandwagon" guy but 27 years of mediocrity will drive you to do crazy things. I will find a team who wins and I will pull for them. Or if the Gamecocks disband the football program for a year and come out for the first game in 2010 with pink dresses on I will respect them and consider dusting off my Gamecock pajamas for the 2011 season.

I am now officially not a Gamecock. Go Aggies.

New Years time is here

I'd like to start the new year by listing my favorite numbers:

17
45
3.14159265
642
1981
4,180,000
0
500
-12
93

This is an all inclusive list. Now you may think I would have included 22, obviously, but I hate that number. It all dates back to when I graduated college and moved back into my parent's house. I had to live under the tight regime of Ron and Freida and I was 22 when I received my last spanking for not making my bed.

Also I decided to leave 13 out....you may think it's an unlucky number but it's not...that's how old I was when I saw my first episode of Dark Wing Duck - but I had to be ultra selective or the list would've gone on forever. I am sure you understand.